Surrender

One of the things that’s been coming to mind with surgery looming is the idea of surrender. Specifically, surrendering the care of my body and talents to God, since He gave them to me anyway.

 

To preface this: I’m not in any way saying I magically have no more fear. I am afraid of losing so much during this surgery–afraid of losing the ability to bear children later on, afraid of losing my voice just as I’m rediscovering the joy of it, afraid of losing my very life on the operating table. So many things can and have gone wrong for others during operations like these, and no matter how many positive stories I hear, the horror stories linger longer.

 

But I have solace in this: God has blessed me greatly with these gifts, and I am just now rediscovering them, being lifted by His wings to a better place in my life. My story does not feel complete yet–there is more to come, more learning and healing to do, more glorifying to do. God would not have given me this voice and led me to private voice lessons if I wasn’t supposed to sing for His glory in the future. God would not have allowed the cyst to be discovered if He did not want me to survive it. And God would not have spared me from the tornado I drove into (!!) if my work on earth was already complete.

 

There are so many more factors at work here that I can’t even see or understand, but even with my limited wisdom I can see God has been transforming me, and that transformation is still happening. I have to surrender control of all these things to God, to trust that the same God Who blessed me with talents and life itself is the same God Who ordains healing, the same God Who guides the surgeon’s hands. No matter how much I worry, I still can’t take as good care of myself as God can and does on a daily basis. He has already prepared the way.

 

Exodus 23:20 “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.”